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Fear…and Fireworks

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by Tokiso Nthebe

There is a crippling feeling that is eating away inside of me… with each second; the pain gets stronger and unbearable. With each passing day, the worry grows bigger, leaving me anxious and frustrated. There is a crippling feeling haunting my heart, robbing me of my ambitious. A feeling so cruel, that I inevitably doubt myself.  A feeling so dangerous, that I lose faith in my own strength. The nights are the worst… I jolt out of my bed with each crackling sound. The shades that surround my room remind me of my failures, flaws and lack to talent. The screeching sound of the banging door makes me want to jump out of my skin. I am afraid… I am overwhelmed by fear.

I feel like I can never overcome it. I feel like I am not strong enough to fight it; the doubt; the nightmares; the low self esteem. How did I get myself in this situation?

My journey as a post graduate student has been surrounded by nothing more than fear and uncertainty. Fear of failure; anxiety and doubt. Fear of lack of understanding. Each passing day increases the stress and frustration. Each passing day drags my fear on and on.

Why do I doubt myself like this? Why torture myself like this?

Katty Perry’s “Fire work” track has been my bridge to survival.  I’ve imagined myself as a firework.  A firework that has hidden potential…Creativity… art work… drive. A firework, that has a spark waiting to be ignited, showing off its burst of colours.

I remind myself that after a hurricane comes a rainbow…radiating with bright colours. That there is a door in my life, waiting to be opened, opened to endless opportunities. I remind myself that like a fire bolt, my heart will blow… exploding with dreams.

Life is hard irrespective of where you are and what you are doing. And fear is there to create doubt, anxiety and worry.  But like a firework, we should ignite our sparks and unleash the potential. Like a thunder bolt, we should allow our dreams to explode. And like doors, we should open our hearts and embrace opportunities.

Teach ability is an attitude, a mindset that says ‘no matter how much I know, or think I know, I can learn from this situation. That kind of thinking can help you turn adversity into advantage. It can make you a winner even during the most difficult circumstances.” (Source thinking for a change- J Maxwell)

So go on… become a firework and leave no room for fear to manifest in your life… let your colours burst. Let them see your worth.

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Fear...and Fireworks, 9.0 out of 10 based on 2 ratings
  • Pres

    Great great, u r deep…could live with dis

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  • This is a good piece of work, gives me courage to go explore

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  • …kind of what I’m going through, I like the theme, it give hope to the coherent mind! Big ups!

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  • Tokiso

    King D it is every writer’s dream to touch the hearts of their readers. I am glad I did and I hope to continue touching hearts. @ Metja.. Thank you for the positive feedback. Only hope my writing skills continue to inspire people.

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  • metja

    Beautiful, well written and awe inspiring…u got mad writing skills

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  • King_D

    wow… you have talked to my heart! matured!

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  • Ronald thank you for ur constructive feedback. I really appreciate it

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  • Ronald

    Beautiful work!!! I love how u bring across your audience and engage them. Im moved at how u captured some of my fears and gave me hope!

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  • Yes.. It’s my first article to be published here. I just completed my degree at UP(Tuks). Thank you for the awesome feedback.
    To Dlho- the amount of inspiration I draw from that song really makes things possible. Thank you

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  • dlho

    So I will go on… n become a firework and leave no room for fear to manifest in my life… will let my colours burst n let them see my worth. Beautiful

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  • James

    Wow im moved by Mr Nthebes article, im impressd by the level fluency, maturity & eloquence.*fireworks*.wow it up.is this your first article?what do u do?

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  • Pres

    Great great, u r deep…could live with dis

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • This is a good piece of work, gives me courage to go explore

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • …kind of what I’m going through, I like the theme, it give hope to the coherent mind! Big ups!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Tokiso

    King D it is every writer’s dream to touch the hearts of their readers. I am glad I did and I hope to continue touching hearts. @ Metja.. Thank you for the positive feedback. Only hope my writing skills continue to inspire people.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • metja

    Beautiful, well written and awe inspiring…u got mad writing skills

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    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • King_D

    wow… you have talked to my heart! matured!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Ronald thank you for ur constructive feedback. I really appreciate it

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Ronald

    Beautiful work!!! I love how u bring across your audience and engage them. Im moved at how u captured some of my fears and gave me hope!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Yes.. It’s my first article to be published here. I just completed my degree at UP(Tuks). Thank you for the awesome feedback.
    To Dlho- the amount of inspiration I draw from that song really makes things possible. Thank you

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • dlho

    So I will go on… n become a firework and leave no room for fear to manifest in my life… will let my colours burst n let them see my worth. Beautiful

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • James

    Wow im moved by Mr Nthebes article, im impressd by the level fluency, maturity & eloquence.*fireworks*.wow it up.is this your first article?what do u do?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
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