IN modern society, technology has simplified our lives to a point where we no longer need to yank a chain or a handle to remove our business from the bowl but with the wave of a hand or the pressing of a button, all evidence is removed, flushed. Humans, most especially those folks in white coats, have made numerous developments regarding the world they live in. we have discovered that the universe is about 14 Billion years old and that it will continue to exist for at least twice that long and that bathing twice a day promotes good health and hygiene, quite impressive for creatures with a short life span. But of all the inventions, discoveries, polished vocabulary and poor etiquette, there are still a few things (or subjects if you will) that we struggle to understand, one being Human interaction.
We can easily start wars with our neighbors, but battle with starting a simple conversation with a stranger at a bus stop or grocery shop. Scientists have found formulas which can terminate the smallest of bugs and insects but still, “Gwababa” shyness, lack of confidence and nerve kills many spirited men when attempting to approach a lady. Perhaps that is why humans find it easier to relate with/to foreign objects than with each other. Example, a man will relate to his car or game console better than he can relate to his female companion and women alike will relate to a Blackberry or beauty product far better than with beef heads (men). There s is no doubt about it, we find it easier because if either of those things aren’t performing the way we want them to, one can simply exchange them for a highly advanced model, or a model. Today’s relationships are treated the same way.
The dynamics of relationships have long since changed since I have been in the game. The fundamentals of courtship have undergone a paradigm shift from, “what you are to me, to, what can you do for me? Is this worth it? Do you deserve me? Are you worthy of the two minutes of my time that I have given you? Show me, prove to me. Inspire me, give me. All this confuses me and lets me dream of a world of long walks and the exchange of Oriental flowers for smiles and the holding of (beautiful) hands. Which brings me to my questions, what is a relationship? How does one know that they’re in a relationship? Could it be that a deal is made between both players (not promiscuous) in the field. “I like you, you like me, I call you, to take you to the movies, I’ll then kiss you and together we will live”. Does that define a relationship? Or is that what we do to pass time? In anticipation for THE right ONE.
Coming from a Christian background, I’m more inclined to the church way of doing things. Where man and woman are never left alone in the same room without a third party involved. Who knew what these two wild creatures would get up to had they been left alone, but times change and desires are not controlled. Today, relationships move at a rapid pace that it’s difficult to keep up with one another and ever so often, we will meet a person’s intimate side before we even meet their intellectual, we’ll know how she likes it before knowing what makes her tick, but different strokes for different folks (no pun intended). Having relations without the relationship eventually leads to a short lived love. As most men, (lustful creatures that we are) will tell you that there isn’t much to see or know once you’ve met her centre place or seen her in the nude but don’t be alarmed for there are still (a few) good men out there, they’re just busy chasing women that are bad for them and there are still good women out there, they’re still hoping to see the good in bad men, or they’re all taken and unknown.
So what makes a true lover? Assuming that that’s all we want. Thomas a Kempis, in his book “the inner life” wrote on the subject in question, I quote “A wise lover values not so much the gift of love, as the love of the giver. He esteems the affection above the gift, and values every gift far below the beloved…” stating that relationships are more than what meets the eye, they’re more what we desire, more than desire itself. Establish what you want and hope for what you deserve. Love is a practical thing that requires patient persistence. Relationships don’t cruise on their own, what keeps yours afloat?