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We Have All heard Those Words

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He loves me… he loves me not… he loves me… he loves me not…?  As childish as this may sound, it seems to have become a principle on which woman have organized their world and being.  Gone are the days when this was nothing but an innocent and simple game which little girls recited over and over while laying on the grass plucking flower petals anticipating the answer so that they could laugh it off and try again.  It has now become an obsession where that flowers’ growth has become dependant on and not protected by ‘he loves me’.

We’ve all heard those tired clichés about Love.  “Love comes in mysterious ways” and “You’ll just feel it”.  For me, a 19 year old living in our generation, these statements seem almost to be ramblings and hold no ground.  Women today conform more than ever to their desperation of being loved and appreciated by a man, so that they would do anything “to be completed by my other half”.  But, what is it exactly to be ‘complete’?  “To be truly in love and when you have found The One”, said one of my friends.  What she failed to acknowledge was the reality that the word ‘Love’ has become commercial, that it is just that…a word, especially when it is used hand-in-hand with the games that people seem to always play.

I guess having been raised in a background where my parents were divorced when I was very young may have an influence on how I now perceive ‘Love’ and men, but what I have observed has had an even greater influence.  Like Yogi Berra, I believe that ‘you can observe a lot just by watching’, and I guess scrutinizing how different people are capable of becoming after getting what they really want only watered the seed that was planted by my parents.  “Marriage is not a ritual or an end.  It’s a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more then your own sense of balance and your choice of partner”, a quote from Amy Bloom which may account for my emotional two left feet which I may have developed as a result of my parents’ constant stepping on each other toes and swaying to a broken tune as I attempted to learn how to read the music which they danced to and keep count of their steps.

Excuse me for ‘not speaking from experience’, as this is the reply I get when I express my opinion concerning most issues such as those of Love and manifesting affection as I am comparable to an “Ice Queen”, said Thando, one of my closest acquaintances (who had a similar childhood to mine and seems to have been affected by the separation of her parents too, but manifests this in a different manner which is a complete contrast to mine).  What I fail to understand, though, is since when does experience give one heightened?  Take for example a very common scenario where two people are involved in a relationship and one is mistreating the other, those involved almost never see as they are blinded by the illusion of what they think they have.  Therefore surely it is only logical that, for instance, ‘Love’ just like everything else is a concept right?  Everyone perceives this concept in different ways, hence the cliché ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’.  This leads to my point:  experience has no significance in ‘matters of the heart’, love specifically.  Everyone, including myself -who has not experienced love (according to those who claim to know me)- has access to emotion, intellect, rationalism, logic, thought.  It would seem rather absurd that I would not be able to conceive of Love.

So, what is it to be ‘complete’?  it seems rather illogical that one human can complete another.  Haven’t we all experienced the unpleasant wrath of humans always disappointing us?  Most do it occasionally, others rarely and a minority hardly ever do, but they do.  So why risk being ‘completed’ by a man who you know will let you down?  A man who needs you through their ‘hard’ times and only says “I love you” when they are ‘up’?  Isn’t this alone enough to convince you of how much worth you are?  Women.  Being complete starts from the aim of becoming the right person…not going out there “searching for my soul mate” or going through several relationships looking for the right person.

Becoming the right person? “Huh?”, you may ask.  It all becomes less cryptic when you open up completely… and no not your legs but your heart, not to a man, not to a human , but something that knows your path, something that is unvarying and exists beyond the physical, the First mover, God.  “Ag whatever” may be your response, but how far have you gotten in life?  How much have you been let down and been miss-understood, miss-lead and experienced emotional abuse, neglect and submissiveness?  I am not stating that God has your partner ready for you in an embellished box and ribbon, but He equips you with the sufficient skills, knowledge, thought, emotion, rationalism and intellect to make the right decision.

Most females miss out on this crucial part of life and therefore fail to comprehend the outcomes of their lives and especially their relationships, believing just like Thomas Andrew (the architect of the Titanic) that, “This ship is so great not even God can sink it”.

‘Love is blind’, one of the statements I could not agree with more.  Some women are continuously beaten, but fall for the same excuses and forgive him because “I love him” and he says he “loves me”.  Other women are continuously made conscious about him making moves on her best friends, but choose to believe hi because he says he “loves me”.  I thought by now most females would have understood the fact that in most cases the word LOVE for females is in all senses a verb and just a physical action for men.  It is beyond me how something so sacred and of transcended essence can have such outcomes just because of it being misinterpreted and rushed into.  There is truly a thin line between love and hate, but only because it is made to be.

Unlike Pierre Tielhard de Chardin, I believe that Love alone is not capable of bringing two souls together in such together in such a way that they complete and fulfill each other.  What joined two souls is what is deepest within themselves yes, a self awareness and essence which they can only recognize and become through God.

Maybe you might be confused about what Love actually is, it’s very nature and meaning and may therefore want a grammatical and linguistic definition for it.  Unfortunately I do not have an answer to that because Love, to me is too complex a decision, not a sensation or an ecstasy.  It’s a decision which endures anything and everything if made from the heart; it’s comparable to the sound of thought, the texture of a dream…and the birth and growth of time…

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We Have All heard Those Words, 7.6 out of 10 based on 5 ratings
  • Neli

    G,

    I repect y0ur 0pini0n greatly and as equally as I d0 every0nes. I h0pe we’ll stay in t0uch s0 that I can at a m0re appr0priate age (f0r y0u) share my 0pini0ns 0n L0ve (which I am c0nvinced won’t change). Thank y0u f0r reading the article th0ugh, y0ur 0pini0n was a breath 0f fresh air =)

    0ne request th0ugh…y0u speak 0f “experience” and h0w y0u “d0n’t d0 well with L0ve”…a bit 0f an ir0ny that y0u’d feel a bit m0re “mature” to give guidance 0n s0mething that y0u are n0t very articulate with…n0ne the less, when given an ultimatum…to either walk a path walked by an0ther 0r walk thr0ugh the r0ugh r0ad t0 make y0ur 0wn path, which w0uld y0u ch00se?

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    George Bailey, I respect your comment, but what i dont like about it is you using your age as a measure of how appropriate or not your views are. As you said, “Life is all about interaction, Love is all about interaction” Your views are different to the author’s and no matter how young she is, the views are different. and hence we interact. I do acknowledge the value and substance of age and experience, but with all due respect, you don’t know her experience. A matter is at hand, discuss it using facts and perspective, don’t come into a discussion and presume that because of your experiences, your comment holds a greater substance. Again, no disrespect, I agree with your comment, but like i said, do not belittle the author. She shared genuine views, and her views are relevant to the whole love cliche scenario. I enjoyed reading her article and she shared great views, as young as she is.

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  • N,

    Love is not a concept, or a state of mind, though that is closer. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain caused by a specific set of circumstances. I don’t do well with love, but you are young and still seeking. I prefer a nice arrangement based on lust and common cause. I prefer the ‘damsel in distress’ for I can elevate her by my actions. Life is about interaction, love is an interaction and not something sacred or transcendant. It is created, and will never last… but it mutates into a symbiosis if treated well. God is pretty smart.

    G

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  • luthando madondo

    @Neli, thanx. Hope youll grow from strength 2 strength. All of the best, may you continue 2 walk steadfastly along da path nd develop towards a broader article base.

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  • luthando madondo

    @Neli, thanx. Hope youll grow from strength 2 strength. All of the best, may you continue 2 walk steadfastly along da path nd develop towards broader article base.

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  • Neli

    @Luthando, l0l, it takes a l0t m0re t0 0ffend me…that means I’m n0t 0ffended at all (in case y0u read that ‘wr0ng’ t00, l0l, just kidding =P). I just prefer it if pe0ple read my articles with m0re 0f an 0pen mind, because it then makes it easy t0 put what I write ab0ut in c0ntext. I just write…n0 audience in mind s0 I d0n’t think trying t0 make what I write suit y0ur kind 0f lifestyle w0uld be t00 much 0f a great idea. Again, thanks f0r reading the article, it’s greatly appreciated =)

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  • luthando madondo

    Hey, Neli … i need 2 apologise 4 da ambiguity in my cOmment. i ges its arrangement was a bit overlapping. Thing is when i said (includin U), one wasnt dissociatin U 4rm any circle was merely aiming 2 centralise the comment. i truly am sori if my utterance has offended U. Da part bOwt da parents past, was entirely based on my encounter. i mererly used da word ‘we’ 2 upscale da focus, am also sori 4 sounding out of line on that part…

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  • Neli

    sowwy for the d0uble c0mment and all the spelling mistakes (l0l), my internet c0nnecti0n is currently very bad =)

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  • Neli

    @Lingiwe, please n0te my last descripti0n pertaining t0 what L0ve is t0 me…”Unfortunately I do not have an answer to that because Love, to me is too complex a decision, not a sensation or an ecstasy. It’s a decision which endures anything and everything if made from the heart; it’s comparable to the sound of thought, the texture of a dream…and the birth and growth of time…”…n0w c0rrect me if I’m wrong but that means I cann0t c0ndense it t0 w0rds right?

    @Luthando…I’m c0nfused as t0 what gives y0u the impressi0n that I exclude myself fr0m L0ve? I d0 n0t, hence the explanation of my feelings towards the anecd0te ab0ut my female friend wh0 believed I was “removed fr0m L0ve”. With reference to my parents. What I cann0t d0 is separate myself fr0m my past because I believe that the past is like a flexible cast…please d0 n0t mistake this with the idea that I mean “reference p0int t0 blame” when I say “cast”…I simply mean that I cann0t be wh0 I currently am, in the present if I have n0 f0rm 0f reference t0 draw fr0m…that means thatthe past acts as a teacher t0 the present…a teacher teaches y0u things, and the teacher isn’t always right, but it is y0ur decisi0n t0 rem0ld the cast…and that’s where blame c0mes in. I have rem0lded my cast, if I hadn’t thean h0w w0uld I have been inL0ve at this present m0ment? =)…I think y0u sh0uld try and read my articles with m0re 0f an 0pen mind next time…I L0ve my past and I w0uldn’t change anything ab0ut it because it has “m0lded” me int0 the w0men 0f sibstance that I am t0day…I appreciate everything that deserves t0 be appreciated…even the negative =)

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  • Neli

    @Lingiwe, please n0te my last descripti0n pertaining t0 what L0ve is t0 me…”Unfortunately I do not have an answer to that because Love, to me is too complex a decision, not a sensation or an ecstasy. It’s a decision which endures anything and everything if made from the heart; it’s comparable to the sound of thought, the texture of a dream…and the birth and growth of time…”…n0w c0rrect me if I’m wrong but that means I cann0t c0nsense it t0 w0rds right?

    @Luthando…I’m c0nfused as t0 what gives y0u the impressi0n that I exclude myself fr0m L0ve? I d0 n0t, hence the explanation of my feelings towards the anecd0te ab0ut my female friend wh0 believed I was “removed fr0m L0ve”. With reference to my parents. What I cann0t d0 is separate myself fr0m my past because I believe that the past is like a flexible cast…please d0 n0t mistake this with the idea that I mean “reference p0int t0 blame” when I say “cast”…I simply mean that I cann0t be wh0 I currently am, in the present if I have n0 f0rm 0f reference t0 draw fr0m…that means thatthe past acts as a teacher t0 the present…a teacher teaches y0u things, and the teacher isn’t always right, but it is y0ur decisi0n t0 rem0ld the cast…and that’s where blame c0mes in. I have rem0lded my cast, if I hadn’t thean h0w w0uld I have been inL0ve at this present m0ment? =)…I think y0u sh0uld try and read my articles with m0re 0f an 0pen mind next time…I L0ve my past and I w0uldn’t change anything ab0ut it because it has “m0lded” me int0 the w0men 0f sibstance that I am t0day…I appreciate everything that deserves t0 be appreciated…even the negative =)

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  • Luthando Madondo

    (part two) on the other hand we are nt 2 cling on that which has occurd in da past btween our parents, nor are we 2 discredit or dishonour them. Bt we are grateful, for it is by virtue of an understanding shared that we are here today. For by letting go of fear…one experiences nt only an embodiment bt entirely connects 2 da Soul of ones better half… Love has no beginning nor end, it is an establishment by God, through Us and in Him. It is our striving that shall uphold this divine revelation. Thanx 4 da opportunity 2 comment, may you phase along many more.

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  • Luthando Madondo

    Ms. Ntanda … Allow me 2 utter dat da theme of yr article is of applicable referrence 2 us all, (…includin U). By applicable referrence i mean dat Love doesnt hav a cOnfined definitiOn or explanatiOn, bt is embedded in oUr core. For by default God created man out of Love thus instilling a part of Himself in each of us, it is entirely within each hw this essence is brought 2 fore… I believe da One whom completes me is a Gift from God,nd hw i complement this being is by Whole-heartedly giving of myself…yes!!! by Heart i speak nt of da blood pumping vein, it is my spiritual connectivity…. (that is part one of my comment)

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  • lingiwe ntanda

    b4 i coment,i got a pesonal question 4 u sins u in a relationshp,hw wud u define ur current xperiens wit da 1 u ‘love’? I wish 1 cud narow dwn wat love rili entaild n point it owt .pesonaly i tnk we got dfrnt opinions bwt love n findin da ‘1’.4 me it lives wtin da margins of ma heart 2 do gud n it is manifestd by ma aktions of gvn …love is not human it is God 4 dz no limits n conditions in His circle…

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  • Neli

    Tuelo, hahahahahaha, now you get the inspiration behind the title of the piece, well done young 0ne 😛

    To everyone, thank you so much for reading this article it is inspiring and equally encouraging to see that not all of us are indeed passive about reading and sharing our own opinions, which is what I wish for most…individuals with a clearly defined identity.

    Love, Laugh, Live 🙂

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    so so many cliches, my goodness. lol… love this, love that, blah blah… “we have all heard those words” before.

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  • matebello

    thnk u got a point there Tuelo,i also dnt think love has anythn to do with the person ur with,hve heard lines like “how can i resist u made me love u” and dnt thnk any1 can make u love them,no meta what they do or do nt do,as much as u cnt make any1 love u if they dont,so it must me within 1’self………….love is love and has a dffnt meaning to each and every1 of us….mayb jst may be wat anthr persn percv as love myt be tabooo to me,who knws….?

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  • Donald The Neosapien

    Absolutely great article Neli!

    Awesome and very insightful comments guys, I agree with you all. Notice how each one of you has their understanding and experience of ‘love’. What I agree most with is that God is love and that love is God. God says this about love “4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” He displayed it by dying for us.

    Shakespeare says ‘Love is not love when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove, it is an ever-fixed mark that stands on tempests and is never shaken”.

    I believe a ‘dance partner’ should not be looked for, God will bless you with him/her when you are ready (when your character has been honed adequately to receive them), I believe that just like He created Eve, will creates a companion for everyone because He knows the importance of companionship, “It is not good that man should be alone”…Love is God.

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  • PatK

    Very very topic Nellie!
    I hate that “he completes me” nonsense! I do! The day I fall in love or meet my one I’d like us to compliment each other more than complete each. Some of his flaws would be my strengths, and some of my struggles would be victories he’s already won. People always seem to look for love when they’re lonely or sad… i believe that one is only ready for this love/relationship thing when she is comfortable in her own skin, and with her own silence. when she understands her feelings and knows how to control them. I doubt the idea of companionship exists so that I can be dependent on someone else for my understanding of me!
    hmmm and then this love word: i watched a christian movie recently and it had the best understanding of love, for me that is. A father told his son that love is a decision and like it or not, the heart can be fooled! What i got from that is that at some point the excitement of new fuzzy feelings fade away and it becomes hard, and love is consciously choosing to love this person everyday whether they deserve it or not (also in the movie). A friend of mine once told me that the only time he’ll ever tell a girl that he loves her is the day he decides he’s willing to die for her because that was and is the nature of Christ’s love for us, His children so what gives us the right to throw that word around lightly? If we’re honest with ourselves as a generation, we have perverted the concept of love. We don’t see “great loves” emerging because we don’t know how to loves ourselves or each other as people, let alone finding the one. Love has become the moment before sex or the, “maybe it’s time I say it” vibe. Personally, love will find me and it shouldn’t be this perverted disrespectful “love” that exists because in by books that’s not love.

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  • Hester

    this is so true. Love has become nothing more or less then sex. The term is used to blind us ladies into thinking that He really does love you. Love a four letter word, said to make him feel a bit better because he made you feel a whole lot better. mxm f&^$ that eish. I don’t want it ryt now, but I certainly need it in my future.
    In your note Nelly you ryt about Marraige being a dance between two people. well I don’t have two left feet because I’m the bestest when it comes to dancing lol (and no I’m not talking about literally dancing, I’ve read the book), but why is it so hard to find a partner???
    Guys these days complain that ga gona “marraige material girls” these days, thing is their not really looking. yes there are still girls out there who believe in the old way of doing things.

    Until I find my dance partner I’ll be dancing solo.

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  • Smice

    What ? is this a Tuelo, Matt & Neli forum… Geez guys top hogging the platform. Let Nelly breath… Hi Nelly,LOVE the article :). But yeh LOVE for me will never be about a man who needs to “complete me” LOVE is what God knows what needs to complete me. Therefore all is taken care of… and i am complete. :)He love me

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  • khumz

    i doubt if there will ever be an individual who will come to understand the concept LOVE, to me its beyond human reasoning capacity…
    to me its not meant to be understood, but just like life that we can’t also explain… living it, is the only way to experience it…

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    Neli, you’re right, I’m holding back… lol. I find it easier to bring my point across among certain people, and I can’t do it among certain individuals… but i agree with what he is saying when he implies that God is Love and Love is God. I don’t understand how Love works, (Like God)… I just have to believe that what i feel is love, Love is within me, and so is God. so God is Love… God is within… once again, i hope i make sense

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  • Jolandi Snyders

    Nellie, wow a brave topic to venture upon 🙂 indeed a complex matter, but maybe not so and something we tend to complicate too much maybe – but yet as you so truely state it is a matter of the heart, something much deeper than the world at large makes it to be.

    I like ur use of sayings, lyrics without forcing it to bring accross the point and your willingness to openly share your inner thoughts and struggle on the matter of love. I think it is a piece of writing that people can relate to and that will also make them think.

    Two hearts, two people connecting at a deep level inspired through the great love of God.

    Keep the writing flowing, and keep ur ultimate inspiration growing 🙂

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  • Neli

    Matt, I understand what you mean, I just think that we should be aware of what God is to us individually, He doesn’t reveal himself with the same face to all of us 🙂

    Tuelo…ha ha ha ha, I disagree with your reply to Matt, you are holding back…It’s just “a sense” I’m sensing, ha ha ha. And with regards to the reply to me I agree, I think Love exists in everything, even what seems bad or detrimental to us 🙂

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    Ayt, i get you man… Love is God and God is love… 🙂 Neliswa Ntanda… in my case, the face would be my lover and all my exes… when i say i love them, it actually really means, they help me love myself more… feel me? they help the facilitation, if such a word exists… lol. Love is love, and it’s within me. full stop!! i hope i make sense… knowing you, the first line of your response will be: “I disagree…” lol

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  • if i were personally inclined… I’d sound like an intelligent wanna be person u know… but… the hardest things to define and the easiest to treat like garbage are God and Love… but i’m personally inclined here, so Love is God nd it would be impossible for ME to Love a Godless person. Coz ultimately (and this is wat we were talkin of on my status) Love is not a selfish act, u have to consider EVERYONE, especially God, coz how do u then raise, in love, a child whose daddy believes more in intellect then God. When mom says,”Pray my son, seek God…” and the daddy thinks she’s talkin crap coz kiddy can determine his own path… Those who love know God, all else is infatuation… i’m personally inclined

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  • Neli

    What face Tuelo?

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    I get you matt… But if you were to be personally inclined, What is love?

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  • HEY NELI…

    glad u on board yeah… oh love… hhha… it’s mos def not a face (though the goodlookin one i have next to me all nyt is fantastic)… u ryt… only through God can one truly experience True Love. Ironically, u can’t have Love as a stand alone void of Truth. Equally important to note from a spiritual perspective is that God is Love…. So through true love we experience God. Imagine how hard it must have been for parents to instill all those values in u… now put all those similar/differing values in one room n imagine how loving something u don’t understand/agree with could be… now, put God as the foundation and see how much easier it is to understand him/her… “husbands, love ur wives… wives, honor ur husbands.” through understandin wat true headship is we love beta, because any man can say, “I AM THE HEAD OF THIS FAMILY.” BUT A GODLESS MAN IS HEADLESS TO BEGIN WITH

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    uhmm… okay… love… love… love… an age old mistery, will it ever end? probably not, love in itself is a question… if you simply write the word “love” or say it, you’ve already asked a million questions…. lol anyway, I believe that love has got nothing to do with the person you’re with, it’s all in you… My theory is that, it could have been anybody else, ANYBODY, and Love would still be love… Love is Love, full stop, STOP ATTACHING A FACE TO THE WAY YOU FEEL… No matter how many ppl “break your heart”… Love will still be love…

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  • Neli

    G,

    I repect y0ur 0pini0n greatly and as equally as I d0 every0nes. I h0pe we’ll stay in t0uch s0 that I can at a m0re appr0priate age (f0r y0u) share my 0pini0ns 0n L0ve (which I am c0nvinced won’t change). Thank y0u f0r reading the article th0ugh, y0ur 0pini0n was a breath 0f fresh air =)

    0ne request th0ugh…y0u speak 0f “experience” and h0w y0u “d0n’t d0 well with L0ve”…a bit 0f an ir0ny that y0u’d feel a bit m0re “mature” to give guidance 0n s0mething that y0u are n0t very articulate with…n0ne the less, when given an ultimatum…to either walk a path walked by an0ther 0r walk thr0ugh the r0ugh r0ad t0 make y0ur 0wn path, which w0uld y0u ch00se?

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    George Bailey, I respect your comment, but what i dont like about it is you using your age as a measure of how appropriate or not your views are. As you said, “Life is all about interaction, Love is all about interaction” Your views are different to the author’s and no matter how young she is, the views are different. and hence we interact. I do acknowledge the value and substance of age and experience, but with all due respect, you don’t know her experience. A matter is at hand, discuss it using facts and perspective, don’t come into a discussion and presume that because of your experiences, your comment holds a greater substance. Again, no disrespect, I agree with your comment, but like i said, do not belittle the author. She shared genuine views, and her views are relevant to the whole love cliche scenario. I enjoyed reading her article and she shared great views, as young as she is.

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  • N,

    Love is not a concept, or a state of mind, though that is closer. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain caused by a specific set of circumstances. I don’t do well with love, but you are young and still seeking. I prefer a nice arrangement based on lust and common cause. I prefer the ‘damsel in distress’ for I can elevate her by my actions. Life is about interaction, love is an interaction and not something sacred or transcendant. It is created, and will never last… but it mutates into a symbiosis if treated well. God is pretty smart.

    G

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  • luthando madondo

    @Neli, thanx. Hope youll grow from strength 2 strength. All of the best, may you continue 2 walk steadfastly along da path nd develop towards a broader article base.

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  • luthando madondo

    @Neli, thanx. Hope youll grow from strength 2 strength. All of the best, may you continue 2 walk steadfastly along da path nd develop towards broader article base.

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  • Neli

    @Luthando, l0l, it takes a l0t m0re t0 0ffend me…that means I’m n0t 0ffended at all (in case y0u read that ‘wr0ng’ t00, l0l, just kidding =P). I just prefer it if pe0ple read my articles with m0re 0f an 0pen mind, because it then makes it easy t0 put what I write ab0ut in c0ntext. I just write…n0 audience in mind s0 I d0n’t think trying t0 make what I write suit y0ur kind 0f lifestyle w0uld be t00 much 0f a great idea. Again, thanks f0r reading the article, it’s greatly appreciated =)

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  • luthando madondo

    Hey, Neli … i need 2 apologise 4 da ambiguity in my cOmment. i ges its arrangement was a bit overlapping. Thing is when i said (includin U), one wasnt dissociatin U 4rm any circle was merely aiming 2 centralise the comment. i truly am sori if my utterance has offended U. Da part bOwt da parents past, was entirely based on my encounter. i mererly used da word ‘we’ 2 upscale da focus, am also sori 4 sounding out of line on that part…

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  • Neli

    sowwy for the d0uble c0mment and all the spelling mistakes (l0l), my internet c0nnecti0n is currently very bad =)

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  • Neli

    @Lingiwe, please n0te my last descripti0n pertaining t0 what L0ve is t0 me…”Unfortunately I do not have an answer to that because Love, to me is too complex a decision, not a sensation or an ecstasy. It’s a decision which endures anything and everything if made from the heart; it’s comparable to the sound of thought, the texture of a dream…and the birth and growth of time…”…n0w c0rrect me if I’m wrong but that means I cann0t c0ndense it t0 w0rds right?

    @Luthando…I’m c0nfused as t0 what gives y0u the impressi0n that I exclude myself fr0m L0ve? I d0 n0t, hence the explanation of my feelings towards the anecd0te ab0ut my female friend wh0 believed I was “removed fr0m L0ve”. With reference to my parents. What I cann0t d0 is separate myself fr0m my past because I believe that the past is like a flexible cast…please d0 n0t mistake this with the idea that I mean “reference p0int t0 blame” when I say “cast”…I simply mean that I cann0t be wh0 I currently am, in the present if I have n0 f0rm 0f reference t0 draw fr0m…that means thatthe past acts as a teacher t0 the present…a teacher teaches y0u things, and the teacher isn’t always right, but it is y0ur decisi0n t0 rem0ld the cast…and that’s where blame c0mes in. I have rem0lded my cast, if I hadn’t thean h0w w0uld I have been inL0ve at this present m0ment? =)…I think y0u sh0uld try and read my articles with m0re 0f an 0pen mind next time…I L0ve my past and I w0uldn’t change anything ab0ut it because it has “m0lded” me int0 the w0men 0f sibstance that I am t0day…I appreciate everything that deserves t0 be appreciated…even the negative =)

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  • Neli

    @Lingiwe, please n0te my last descripti0n pertaining t0 what L0ve is t0 me…”Unfortunately I do not have an answer to that because Love, to me is too complex a decision, not a sensation or an ecstasy. It’s a decision which endures anything and everything if made from the heart; it’s comparable to the sound of thought, the texture of a dream…and the birth and growth of time…”…n0w c0rrect me if I’m wrong but that means I cann0t c0nsense it t0 w0rds right?

    @Luthando…I’m c0nfused as t0 what gives y0u the impressi0n that I exclude myself fr0m L0ve? I d0 n0t, hence the explanation of my feelings towards the anecd0te ab0ut my female friend wh0 believed I was “removed fr0m L0ve”. With reference to my parents. What I cann0t d0 is separate myself fr0m my past because I believe that the past is like a flexible cast…please d0 n0t mistake this with the idea that I mean “reference p0int t0 blame” when I say “cast”…I simply mean that I cann0t be wh0 I currently am, in the present if I have n0 f0rm 0f reference t0 draw fr0m…that means thatthe past acts as a teacher t0 the present…a teacher teaches y0u things, and the teacher isn’t always right, but it is y0ur decisi0n t0 rem0ld the cast…and that’s where blame c0mes in. I have rem0lded my cast, if I hadn’t thean h0w w0uld I have been inL0ve at this present m0ment? =)…I think y0u sh0uld try and read my articles with m0re 0f an 0pen mind next time…I L0ve my past and I w0uldn’t change anything ab0ut it because it has “m0lded” me int0 the w0men 0f sibstance that I am t0day…I appreciate everything that deserves t0 be appreciated…even the negative =)

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  • Luthando Madondo

    (part two) on the other hand we are nt 2 cling on that which has occurd in da past btween our parents, nor are we 2 discredit or dishonour them. Bt we are grateful, for it is by virtue of an understanding shared that we are here today. For by letting go of fear…one experiences nt only an embodiment bt entirely connects 2 da Soul of ones better half… Love has no beginning nor end, it is an establishment by God, through Us and in Him. It is our striving that shall uphold this divine revelation. Thanx 4 da opportunity 2 comment, may you phase along many more.

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  • Luthando Madondo

    Ms. Ntanda … Allow me 2 utter dat da theme of yr article is of applicable referrence 2 us all, (…includin U). By applicable referrence i mean dat Love doesnt hav a cOnfined definitiOn or explanatiOn, bt is embedded in oUr core. For by default God created man out of Love thus instilling a part of Himself in each of us, it is entirely within each hw this essence is brought 2 fore… I believe da One whom completes me is a Gift from God,nd hw i complement this being is by Whole-heartedly giving of myself…yes!!! by Heart i speak nt of da blood pumping vein, it is my spiritual connectivity…. (that is part one of my comment)

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  • lingiwe ntanda

    b4 i coment,i got a pesonal question 4 u sins u in a relationshp,hw wud u define ur current xperiens wit da 1 u ‘love’? I wish 1 cud narow dwn wat love rili entaild n point it owt .pesonaly i tnk we got dfrnt opinions bwt love n findin da ‘1’.4 me it lives wtin da margins of ma heart 2 do gud n it is manifestd by ma aktions of gvn …love is not human it is God 4 dz no limits n conditions in His circle…

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  • Neli

    Tuelo, hahahahahaha, now you get the inspiration behind the title of the piece, well done young 0ne 😛

    To everyone, thank you so much for reading this article it is inspiring and equally encouraging to see that not all of us are indeed passive about reading and sharing our own opinions, which is what I wish for most…individuals with a clearly defined identity.

    Love, Laugh, Live 🙂

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    so so many cliches, my goodness. lol… love this, love that, blah blah… “we have all heard those words” before.

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  • matebello

    thnk u got a point there Tuelo,i also dnt think love has anythn to do with the person ur with,hve heard lines like “how can i resist u made me love u” and dnt thnk any1 can make u love them,no meta what they do or do nt do,as much as u cnt make any1 love u if they dont,so it must me within 1’self………….love is love and has a dffnt meaning to each and every1 of us….mayb jst may be wat anthr persn percv as love myt be tabooo to me,who knws….?

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  • Donald The Neosapien

    Absolutely great article Neli!

    Awesome and very insightful comments guys, I agree with you all. Notice how each one of you has their understanding and experience of ‘love’. What I agree most with is that God is love and that love is God. God says this about love “4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” He displayed it by dying for us.

    Shakespeare says ‘Love is not love when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove, it is an ever-fixed mark that stands on tempests and is never shaken”.

    I believe a ‘dance partner’ should not be looked for, God will bless you with him/her when you are ready (when your character has been honed adequately to receive them), I believe that just like He created Eve, will creates a companion for everyone because He knows the importance of companionship, “It is not good that man should be alone”…Love is God.

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  • PatK

    Very very topic Nellie!
    I hate that “he completes me” nonsense! I do! The day I fall in love or meet my one I’d like us to compliment each other more than complete each. Some of his flaws would be my strengths, and some of my struggles would be victories he’s already won. People always seem to look for love when they’re lonely or sad… i believe that one is only ready for this love/relationship thing when she is comfortable in her own skin, and with her own silence. when she understands her feelings and knows how to control them. I doubt the idea of companionship exists so that I can be dependent on someone else for my understanding of me!
    hmmm and then this love word: i watched a christian movie recently and it had the best understanding of love, for me that is. A father told his son that love is a decision and like it or not, the heart can be fooled! What i got from that is that at some point the excitement of new fuzzy feelings fade away and it becomes hard, and love is consciously choosing to love this person everyday whether they deserve it or not (also in the movie). A friend of mine once told me that the only time he’ll ever tell a girl that he loves her is the day he decides he’s willing to die for her because that was and is the nature of Christ’s love for us, His children so what gives us the right to throw that word around lightly? If we’re honest with ourselves as a generation, we have perverted the concept of love. We don’t see “great loves” emerging because we don’t know how to loves ourselves or each other as people, let alone finding the one. Love has become the moment before sex or the, “maybe it’s time I say it” vibe. Personally, love will find me and it shouldn’t be this perverted disrespectful “love” that exists because in by books that’s not love.

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  • Hester

    this is so true. Love has become nothing more or less then sex. The term is used to blind us ladies into thinking that He really does love you. Love a four letter word, said to make him feel a bit better because he made you feel a whole lot better. mxm f&^$ that eish. I don’t want it ryt now, but I certainly need it in my future.
    In your note Nelly you ryt about Marraige being a dance between two people. well I don’t have two left feet because I’m the bestest when it comes to dancing lol (and no I’m not talking about literally dancing, I’ve read the book), but why is it so hard to find a partner???
    Guys these days complain that ga gona “marraige material girls” these days, thing is their not really looking. yes there are still girls out there who believe in the old way of doing things.

    Until I find my dance partner I’ll be dancing solo.

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  • Smice

    What ? is this a Tuelo, Matt & Neli forum… Geez guys top hogging the platform. Let Nelly breath… Hi Nelly,LOVE the article :). But yeh LOVE for me will never be about a man who needs to “complete me” LOVE is what God knows what needs to complete me. Therefore all is taken care of… and i am complete. :)He love me

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  • khumz

    i doubt if there will ever be an individual who will come to understand the concept LOVE, to me its beyond human reasoning capacity…
    to me its not meant to be understood, but just like life that we can’t also explain… living it, is the only way to experience it…

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    Neli, you’re right, I’m holding back… lol. I find it easier to bring my point across among certain people, and I can’t do it among certain individuals… but i agree with what he is saying when he implies that God is Love and Love is God. I don’t understand how Love works, (Like God)… I just have to believe that what i feel is love, Love is within me, and so is God. so God is Love… God is within… once again, i hope i make sense

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  • Jolandi Snyders

    Nellie, wow a brave topic to venture upon 🙂 indeed a complex matter, but maybe not so and something we tend to complicate too much maybe – but yet as you so truely state it is a matter of the heart, something much deeper than the world at large makes it to be.

    I like ur use of sayings, lyrics without forcing it to bring accross the point and your willingness to openly share your inner thoughts and struggle on the matter of love. I think it is a piece of writing that people can relate to and that will also make them think.

    Two hearts, two people connecting at a deep level inspired through the great love of God.

    Keep the writing flowing, and keep ur ultimate inspiration growing 🙂

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  • Neli

    Matt, I understand what you mean, I just think that we should be aware of what God is to us individually, He doesn’t reveal himself with the same face to all of us 🙂

    Tuelo…ha ha ha ha, I disagree with your reply to Matt, you are holding back…It’s just “a sense” I’m sensing, ha ha ha. And with regards to the reply to me I agree, I think Love exists in everything, even what seems bad or detrimental to us 🙂

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    Ayt, i get you man… Love is God and God is love… 🙂 Neliswa Ntanda… in my case, the face would be my lover and all my exes… when i say i love them, it actually really means, they help me love myself more… feel me? they help the facilitation, if such a word exists… lol. Love is love, and it’s within me. full stop!! i hope i make sense… knowing you, the first line of your response will be: “I disagree…” lol

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  • if i were personally inclined… I’d sound like an intelligent wanna be person u know… but… the hardest things to define and the easiest to treat like garbage are God and Love… but i’m personally inclined here, so Love is God nd it would be impossible for ME to Love a Godless person. Coz ultimately (and this is wat we were talkin of on my status) Love is not a selfish act, u have to consider EVERYONE, especially God, coz how do u then raise, in love, a child whose daddy believes more in intellect then God. When mom says,”Pray my son, seek God…” and the daddy thinks she’s talkin crap coz kiddy can determine his own path… Those who love know God, all else is infatuation… i’m personally inclined

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  • Neli

    What face Tuelo?

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    I get you matt… But if you were to be personally inclined, What is love?

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  • HEY NELI…

    glad u on board yeah… oh love… hhha… it’s mos def not a face (though the goodlookin one i have next to me all nyt is fantastic)… u ryt… only through God can one truly experience True Love. Ironically, u can’t have Love as a stand alone void of Truth. Equally important to note from a spiritual perspective is that God is Love…. So through true love we experience God. Imagine how hard it must have been for parents to instill all those values in u… now put all those similar/differing values in one room n imagine how loving something u don’t understand/agree with could be… now, put God as the foundation and see how much easier it is to understand him/her… “husbands, love ur wives… wives, honor ur husbands.” through understandin wat true headship is we love beta, because any man can say, “I AM THE HEAD OF THIS FAMILY.” BUT A GODLESS MAN IS HEADLESS TO BEGIN WITH

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  • Tuelo (A sense)

    uhmm… okay… love… love… love… an age old mistery, will it ever end? probably not, love in itself is a question… if you simply write the word “love” or say it, you’ve already asked a million questions…. lol anyway, I believe that love has got nothing to do with the person you’re with, it’s all in you… My theory is that, it could have been anybody else, ANYBODY, and Love would still be love… Love is Love, full stop, STOP ATTACHING A FACE TO THE WAY YOU FEEL… No matter how many ppl “break your heart”… Love will still be love…

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