When you say you don’t know your purpose, you are articulating the strongest sense of Black intelligence and the deepest Afrikan madness at the same time. Having a purpose means that there is a REASON for existence. Carrying a 500+ year burden of marginalisation, soul-murder, mind-burglary and constant negation of being – you are in your full right to question your purpose of being. No acceptable reason can explain non-existence. This is intelligent reasoning.
But your analysis is in constant romance with madness; Why do you give up on finding your purpose? Rely on it to come from foreign sources? Continue to seek it from places you, by now, should KNOW depend on you to self-destruct? Allow it to slip out of your hands? Live in fear of the solutions that have been encoded within you? Refuse to see that it is the complacent agreement with your own analysis of non-existence that keeps your hands tied, your feet shackled, your eyes closed and your mouth blabbering?
Decolonising from within is extremely hard. The dimly lit interrogation room has the littleness of you in one corner, facing the gigantic everything else-ness of the world you’re supposed to conquer in the other. Giving up is SUCH a possible option. You can EASILY justify it. But the Conscious Terrorist in you will not allow it. Under your Dashiki a million undetonated bombs are strapped to your body. Inside your Black Mind regiments of militant Ancestors are planning the final take-over. In your veins run the rivers of blood that connects you to the first layers of Nubian being. The matrix of your spirit, behind its colonised surface, has a Panel of Power you’re slowly becoming aware of. You refuse fear. And rise in all your possibilities. The world as we know it will not be happy….