It was a sweet escape, every time I found myself suffocating in loneliness I would think about your smile and cry at the same time with joy gushing whirling around my heart and spinning my mind round and round. I fell in love each time I heard your voice, miles apart we were separated by space and time but that never stopped me from carrying your presence that I floated on in spirit, at times I could even feel you close to me, I loved you in a strange way that was so powerful it would make me watch the nights as they pass by.
Today I’m thankful for what you have become I have never felt so much pain in being a victim of my own choices, I close the door behind me and bury my face in the comfort of my hands I kneel down a lot of times when I can’t bear it any longer, I used to cry but now I kneel in silence as if I’m waiting for the voice above, I second question my faith, a part of me die each day I do so. I fear upsetting you more than anything on this earth; I live in the atmosphere of insecurity my actions are now artificialised to assure your happiness.
I think about the woman who gave birth to me every second you inflict pain in me that is how I overcome such days, what changed you? I pray that someday you see the best in me, someday perhaps. What went wrong? Is it I that changed? I live each day hoping for the rain, let it come down and flow way with my sorrows, I am so ashamed looking at myself in the mirror for I no longer know who I am anymore, who am I? What have I become?
You are well pinned in every word that I mould, you have inspired me in finding the beauty that is tangled in sorrow. Why am I sad that’s how I laugh never thought I could do so much greatness until you came along, until I felt so much pain, I have an urge to taste my tears, to cut my wrist and bleed to death or rather to jump off the from the tallest building, could it be a better way to die, the best exit perhaps, cowardice my friends and family would label it but what a relief I think it would be, I finish off this thought with a sparkling glance at you, forget me not my truest love as I plea to myself for your exoneration.